REST.

My eyes too heavy from lack of sleep; my body powerless.

I force myself to stay awake for things still to be done.

No work is done, i guess. Time passes, my senses dull.

I am awake, yet my mind wanders to a neverland I myself don't know.

Reaching for reality, Dream holds me back.

My mind too weak to fight; the temptation lures me in.

Into this place of tranquility, of quiet, of nothingness, of a void that keeps my mind.

In peace. At ease.

For rest.

PILIPINAS: ANG PAGPUKAW SA ILAW.

Pagbalot ng Dilim

Pilipinas kong bayan, takda sa alamat
Ang iyong araw na dati'y sumisikat,
Saklaw noon ang lupa't dagat
Ng gintong liwanag na walang katapat.

Noo'y binalot ng ilang daang taon
Pero di rin naglaon Siya'y nakabangon;
Bumalik ang liwanag ng gaya noon;
Tumindi pa ang sikat sa Bagong Panahon.

Masdan and muling paghimlay ng butihing liwanag.
Hindi bumabalik kahit ano mang tawag.
Noo'y Siya ang binalot; Siya ang inapi.
Ngayo'y Siya ang nagtakip sa kanyang sarili!

Pilipinas kong bayan, takda sa alamat
Ang iyong araw na dati'y sumisikat.

BLUE MEETS GREEN. AND VICE VERSA.

It was not an ordinary day because of two or actually three major happenings: (1) JENSEN's 18th BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION (2) first encounter with three of JENSEN's GREEN(La Salle) BARKADA and (3) my REALIZATION.

I.
7:40. I got up from bed excited for Jenny's party. 9:00. My uncle, his wife and I was on the road. 9:15. We were in a Catholic church. 10:00 Back on the rugged road of Manila. 10:something. I'm dropped off in Jon's house. Gi, Ja, Ralph were already there. Before 11. Awi came. Cocoy also arrived and he hasn't changed a bit since we last met which I think was ages ago. 11:something. Jenny arrived with his Green flock namely Riva, Chris and Omar. Gi got in a dilemma and decided to go back to Bellevue. 12:something. We arrived at Jenny's house in Valenzuela which was really grand i tell you. :) We stayed in the mini-theater room (due to the BIG TV) and they played PS2. 1:something. Eating time. I was pigging out on Jenny's very abundant food supply. "Pigging out" as Rizza put it. Pictures taken. Candle-blowing by dear ol' Jenny while we were singing our hearts out with the classic "Happy birthday" song. More pictures taken. I don't know what time it was, we went back upstairs and we played scrabble while the others played PS2. Finished playing. I was damn confused with their mind games. I really suck. 4:00. We were still there. A bit before 5:00. All the guys played ball of course excluding me. About 6:00 PM i think. We were on the road. Dropped off Green Omar in 5th Ave. 6:45. Jon's house again. Bye bye to birthday boy Jenny, Cri, Chris and Riva. We chit-chatted for a long time. 8:00. Boyet came. One by one we dropped of Ralph then Coy then Rizza. 9:30. Home at last.

Conclusion:

Thanks a bunch, Jenny! (or Jenny-sia as Riva put it.) I had fun. It's already clear in my mind. Jensen's 18th Birthday = FUN ;) I'll really remember this day.

II.
So... Jenny introduced us to three of his LaSallite friends Riva, Chris and Omar.

My first impressions which I think are stereotypical. (Not that it really matters.)
1. Riva: fun Chinese girl
2. Chris: indifferent "cool" guy
3. Omar: shy silent type

My current impressions? (Right now.)
1. Riva: still fun, still Chinese, Gracean "laugher"
2. Chris: active, verbose, still "cool", still passive in person
3. Omar: still shy silent type

Conclusion:

The above-mentioned statements don't really matter. It's just that they are really comfy and happy hanging out with each other. Great job, Jenny! I think they're real finds.

III.
My realization:

Damn! Thay're having so much fun there on the green fields. I think they have more of authentic people. No offense to my schoolmates.

It just feels too artificial under the blue sky.

Of course, it isn't everyone. It's just sad.

I think I'm doing a bad job with my blue life.

I hope I prove myself wrong very soon.

We'll soon see if the green fields are really bad omens for me or are just tasters for my happy blue tomorrow.

PILIPINO. PARA SA ISANG CHINOY.

Para sa inyong kaalaman, ako'y isang Chinoy sa dugo at puso. Kaya nga ganun-ganun nalang ang pagpapahalaga ko sa wikang Pilipino. Masasabi nga talagang mukha akong Instik dahil sa mga singkit kong mga mata at sa madilaw kong balat. Ito'y sa dahilan na ang mayorya ng dumadaloy na dugo sa akin ay dugong Intsik. Gayon pa man, dahil dito sa Pilipinas nanirahan ang aking pamilya at dito na rin ako namulat sa mundo at tumanda, ang wikang Pilipino ang tinuturing kong pinakamahalagang salita sa balat ng lupa.

Sa ating lipunan ngayon, medyo nakapagtataka ang mababang pagtingin sa wikang ito. Marami ang nagsasanay mag-Ingles, mag-Hapon o mag-Mandarin dahil marahil ay mas nakakaangat ang mga ito sa kanilang isipan. Totoo nga na napakahalaga ng mga nsasabing mga wika para sa pag-unlad pero dapat rin ay maalala natin na ang wikang Pilipino ang nagsilbing tulay sa ating pakikipagkaibigan at sa ating pakikipagkapwa-tao. Gaya nga ng sabi "baliktarin mo man ang mundo" tayo'y Pilipino o Pilipino na dahil dito tayo lumaki kaya nga dapat ay pahalagahan rin natin ito.

Kanina lang naitanong sa akin ng isa kong kaibigan kung bakit raw biglang nagsulat ako gamit ang Filipino dito sa aking blog. Di tulad nang noon, puro wikang Ingles ang aking ginagamit.

Sa aking pananaw kasi, iba pa rin kapag ito ang ginagamit ng isang taga-Pilipinas. Sabihin man natin na nagbibigay ng ibang hiwaga ang Ingles kapag tayo'y nagsulat gamit nito, iba ang layunin ng wikang Pilipino.

Sa kahit sino mang tao, siya'y mas palagay sa wikang kinagisnan niya. Sabihin man nating mahusay siyang magsulat sa ibang salita, iba pa rin kapag nagsulat siya gamit ang sarili niyang wika.

Ang paggamit ng sariling wika ay nagbibigay ng pagkatotoo sa mga salita dahil ito'y direktang nagmumula sa isip ng tao.

Paano ba magisip ang isang Pilipino?

Siyempre sa wikang Pilipino.

Kaya nga sa aking palagay, ang pagsulat gamit ang sariling wika ay naglalapit pa lalo ng katotohanan dahil wala na itong pagsalin sa ibang salita. Ito'y mas nagiging puro pa at naghahatid ng emosyon at ng mensahe nang ayon talaga sa manunulat.

Sana'y mahalin natin ang wikang Pilipino. Bago tayo magmahal ng iba sana'y mahalin muna natin ang sariling atin.

WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT?

What's the point of living?

Why not just get it over with and go to an unbeknownst place?

Wouldn't it just be more exciting than studying algebra and trigonometry which you won't surely be using after college?

Why not just study to read and write?

What's the point of education since it actually doesn't lead to anywhere?'

Would we make essays or solve math in Hell or Heaven?

Of course not. So why the hell do we study?

Is it because of the rules stated by society?

But why do we need to conform to society since it is just an illusion made by man?

Are we controlled by society because we want to be called a "man"?

What's the point of being a man anyways?

Why is being a man important to man?

Why is the way we prioritize influenced by everything around us?

So why are the thing around us important to us?

Is it again a typical influence of society?

Is there even a point to ask these?

Of course, we wouldn't know.

So.. what's the damn point?

Most of the time, in this thing we call life, the point is not knowing the point.

GULO SA ISIPAN.

Paiba-iba ang damdamin ko sa kolehyo. Minsan masaya. Minsan malungkot. Para bang wala pa kong kasiguruhan sa aking kapaligiran. Sabagay, di pa talaga natin alam kung ang mga kasakasama natin ngayon ay magiging kaibigan nating tunay o hindi. Para bang ang lahat-lahat ay napapaloob pa sa isang madilim na ulap kaya di natin malaman kung ano ang dapat maramdaman. Nung bakasyon, naisip ko na mangyayari ito, kaso nga lang, iba na talaga kung naroroon ka na sa mismong sitwasyon.

Nakakapanghina minsan ang ganitong kalagayan. Kahit ba nakatutok ka sa pag-aaral, hindi sapat ang mga magagandang grado para mapasaya ang sarili. Mas importante talaga ang maramdaman na parte ka ng mundong ginagalawan mo. Hindi sapat ang pamamalagi mo kung wala kang naibabahagi.

Kung minsan nga, tinatanong ko ang aking sarili kung ano nga ba ang parte ko sa kapaligiran ko. Hindi ko masagot.

Noon pang high school hanggang ngayong kolehyo na ako, may mga oras na talagang napapatigil ako, napapaisip at nalulungkot. Hindi ko talaga alam kung saan nanggagaling ang lungkot na ito pero ang alam ko ay para parin akong paru-parong nagiisa sa bukid na walang kalalagyan. Kung minsan, ramdam ko nang parte ako ng isang kabuuan pero kapag tumahimik ang paligid, maaalala kong nagiisa parin ako.

Tunay nga na ang pag-iisa at ang buhay ay iisa. Ang buhay ay sarili lang nating tinatahak. Saan man tayo lumingon, nag-iisa lang talaga tayo. Mahirap tanggapin. Kaya nga katotohanan eh.

HIGH SCHOOL. KOLEHYO.

Nung high school, 10 pahina? ulam na; sa kolehyo, hindi man lang patikim yan.

In high school, long exams are like black ants who just pass by; in college, they're red ants who REALLY hurt.

Nung high school, pakool-kool lang; sa kolehyo, parating kool na kool na nakatungo sa library.

In high school, 70% is like spilled Coke; in college, it's like free Coke.

Nung high school, speak English raw dapat Tagalog parin; sa kolehyo, pwedeng nang magTagalog pinipilit namang magIngles. *sigh*

Conclusion:

If high school's Mindanao, college is Iraq. Talagang nakakahilo, diba?

DUH?! THAT'S LIFE.

So it has been a week sice my last post? (I think) Everything seems to be becoming a bit more fast-paced in my opinion. Although our load isn't that full, I always feel that something needs to be done. Hmmm... The highlights of those seven days? What can beat an F (46%) in my Math 18 Long Exam #2? AND to think that I STUDIED A HELL LOT MORE compared to the first one... Very sad indeed... Maybe I need to change my study habits... Maybe long hours of studying doesn't mesh with cramming-type me. I really really need to get it straight, so I can do better. I guess, the only thing that still keeps me going is that I'm still in ME. Thanks God! It's still sad though that I have an average of 59% from the two long exams. Anyways, the lowest long exam will be cancelled so I really have to do better, so that crappy 46% will be off my record. So right now, there are still five more long exams to go, and long exam #3 is on August 4 then our midterms on August 8. Gosh... I need to start NOW. huhuhuhu...

Well just as the saying goes "that's life."

Last Thursday I cut my PE bwahahaha... I really enjoyed my time off from that damn dancing class. nyahahaha... So... that's one out of three cuts... Hmm... Two more cuts bwahahahha...

Au revoir! Dinner time :)

THREE FREE DAYS.

We had a three-day weekend. Here's a summary:

o0o

Free Day #1: July 8, 2005
Rating: 3/10 (Crap)

An hour before noon, I arrived at Grace. Terence was waiting for me, because he was to consult with Mrs. Cy-Tan, who BTW is the Math Princess of Grace, and I wanted to hitch along. When I saw him, he was with Ja and Ange talking to our Junior English instructor Ms. Dacanay. We had a long chit-chat before going to the grade school building for something Terence had to do. Unfortunately, our tiring walk up the stairs ended up wasted, because he didn't know someone's surname... Gosh... I'm confused myself. Let's just move on. We went to the office -by that time, Ralph came- and Terence asked a math question to Mrs. Cy-Tan. She said she'd just text him the answer. And that was it. I didn't really come to Grace only for that. I was actually expecting more because of the effort I had to give just to get up early from bed. *sigh*

Terence and Ange left, and the rest of us went upstairs to do some frolicking. After that, we walked to Terence's "mansion" ahahaha in Bellevue to borrow his basketball for Ja and Ralph to use. That time, Ja and I were really thirsty, so we asked our host for water. Then we ended up chit-chatting again about past and present stuff. I said that I had to go to Ateneo to meet my ES groupmates, but Ja kept on insisting for me not to go.

I REALLY wanted to stay, but still, by 1:30, I was on my way to Ateneo. Tricycle to 5th ave. LRT to Doroteo Jose. LRT 2 to Katipunan. By that time, my groupmates were already texting me, asking me where I was. Unfortunately, they were already done with our project and I was damn guilty and frustrated sitting in a trike in a traffic jam in Katipunan. They were actually just waiting for the diskette of pictures I had with me. I felt really stupid. I should have come earlier. I arrived there about a quarter to four. I just gave them the diskette and we left. Really depressed then, so I called Lauren and incidentally, she was in Katipunan with her granny and mom. I met her there at the Sweet Inspiration, and we chatted while we were eating. Thanks again to Mrs. Sonia Tantuco for the food. :) I just discovered that her granny who BTW is very very friendly was a teacher in Chang Kai where my motherside line studied. Lauren had to go to a friend's party, so we departed. I rode a trike. Then LRT 2. LRT to 5th Ave and waited for my uncle to fetch me. He arrived by six and we arrived home by six-thirty. After that was a blur. I can't remember. It's useless stuff.

Free Day #2: July 7, 2005
Rating: 7/10 (Good)

It was supposed to be a class thing, but it ended up with only seven of us watching Fantastic Four (Ja, Jon, Lauren, Paul, Awi, Dan and me) in Promenade. Before watching we ate in ASAP California Kitchen if I'm not mistaken, and I hated evrything in that damned place. It was pretty expensive, but I really did not enjoy the food. It's a certified TAGA place.

Then the movie. Fantastic Four, with an utterly unknown cast for me except for the beautiful Jessica Alba and McMahon who played Cole in Charmed, was an okay movie adaptation of the comic but it wasn't "fantastic." There were obvious differences from the comics such as Victor von Doom's power and transformation, Doom with them in space, Sue and Reed's relationship, etc, but it didn't harm their being Fantastic Four. As I said, it was okay, but something was terribly missing. I'm not really sure, but maybe it's the lack of excitement. Not that it didn't have plot complications or battle sequences, but it just failed to capture my whole attention. If compared to Spiderman 2 and X-Men 2, there'd be no comparison, but as a movie, it's above average. But also for your info, my friends really really liked it. Maybe, I was just hard to please that day. I'll just watch it some other time. Go watch it. It's still worth your money and your precious time.

Actually, the best thing that day was that I was with my high school buds, and just being with them was really fun. No extra efforts. No complications. Just simple comfy fun.

Free Day #3: July 10, 2005
Rating: 6/10 (Not bad)

This is today. I woke up early to answer some math exercises to get a bit ready for Thursday's Math Long Exam #2... tick tock... Lunch... tick tock... Then Diana and I had telebabad while I scribbled some math stuff. Four came, it was the UAAP green vs blue game. We finished our telebabad, and I surfed the net to read A Rose for Emily since I lost my Lit 13 book. It was a bit long, but it was good. I got the vocabs and searched for them one by one in the dictionary. I chatted with my friends in YM then I wrote this. BTW the Archer got the Eagle... Sad... But that's reality... i hope they do better next time. I'd really hate another landslide loss.

o0o

Sorry for my weird writing. I suddenly felt uninspired. The things I still got to do is really bugging me. So au revoir!

THE INEVITABLE COMEBACK.

It just happened.

The feeling so "five years ago" has finally returned. I almost feel like a sixth-grader. Five years can REALLY make a man numb, but now, I know how it feels again. Exhilirating. Mind-boggling. Timestopping. These words can't really explain how it REALLY feels. What I'm sure of is that it hits you when you least expect it... Shit... Not again... The last one had lots and lots of repercussions. I got to learn from my past. I really should. AND this is NOT a good time...

STRESSED OUT. PLUS ISSUE # 1.

A wednesday.

What do I usually think of before I wake up?
"Hay... Buti pa UP walang pasok... *sigh*..."

And it wasn't the usual wednesday... I feel damn tired.

Well... My Atenean life seems to be getting redundant... Maybe that's why I feel so tired nowadays...

Hmm... what should I talk about...

Aha! I'll be your Invictus Correspondent in Ateneo...

o0o

Under the Blue Sky #1
July 6, 2005


1. The Power-Hungry King and Queen

There are rumors flying around that Regine Tan, Grace valedictorian, and Terence Ong, former VP of Invictus, have been seen together all the time in the campus of Ateneo.
We asked a reliable source, who wants to be called Anonymous, and he said, "Totoo. Parati ko silang nakikita. Grabe!"

According also to another source Angelica Chan, it was because they have the same PE class which is Tai Chi. We investigated, and we found out that it is indeed true. However, is it purely coincidental for them to have the same PE class? Ask yourself :)

2. Beyonce of Invictus Now Topbills Psychology Class with a Teenage Star

Yes. It is true. Our very own Beyonce, also known as Hair Goddess, is now a part of the "Populars" in her Psych class. Of course you know who Beyonce is. Who wouldn't? This teenage star, on the other hand, is the daughter of a very famous rapper. Need I say more?

3. Invictus Guys Lovestruck with Kapuso Star

Julie Lee, commercial model and former star of now defunct show Joyride, has been making waves in the Invictus guys' radar. It will still be seen if there would be developments...

4. Vanessa, Phenomenal in Ateneo

If the Kapuso star is a hit, so is our very own Vanessa Sy, and she's not even on TV!!! There were several reports that she was having a set of Atenean suitors. So now the question: What happened to the tall dark Gracean?

5. From Canada to Ateneo

Ralph David King, one of the Eatcorn founders and member of Invictus, arrived here in the Philippines last, last week from Canada for his vacation. He reportedly "sat-in" Crissann Yu's English class and Jarwin Tee's class. He would be staying here until August.

BLIND ITEM:

It's over for this former "to-be-hot-couple." They have been in our Invictus Radars especially during the stupid Basic Life Seminar, but it has finally ended before it even started.

o0o

GRACE's MUSICALS. THEN & NOW.

It had already been five years ago when my friends, Jon, Ralph, Lauren, and I went to the theater of the Cultural Center of the Philippines to watch our close friends namely Java and Deluck. I almost cannnot believe it myself. It was the 50th anniversary of Grace then. At that time, I was very excited to watch the play although I did not have my hopes up. It was just the idea that most of the presentations prepared by Grace always end up in a mess. However, it proved me wrong. It was beautiful. the atmosphere of the production design. the colorful lights. the choreography. the unified voice of the choir. Everything was so right; it even felt as if a magical feeling swept through me as tensions climbed and fell accompanied by the choir's captivating music. Until this very day, I can recall the richness of their performance. For a twelve year old boy then, it was more magical even compared to the Disney classics. It was breathtaking.

Now, five years later, times have changed for me. Friendships. Family. And the expectations I had for the show as I entered the same dark theater of the CCP. Of course, I had high expectations for it thanks to its spectacular predecessor. I was literally craving for the same feeling of awe I had five years ago.

The lights closed and the curtains raised, the show began. Its first offering was "Nic at Night" with acting by the elementary students and music by the high school Glee Club. As it began, continued, and ended, I felt nothing. Nothing. It was a hollow presentation. The music and the acting was standard, but the performers were not in fault. The stench of its failure came from the production. The lifeless set. The anticlimactic choreography. The lack of color. Its producers showed an obvious lack of ambition. Everything was composed of naive materials that did not strive to tap the potentials of its young performers.

The second and last offering "Bow Down" started after a fifteen minute break. At that time, I still had a speck of hope that they could salvage my night. I was partly right and wrong. The high school performers were obviously given more challenging roles, and they did quite well. Their acting and singing performances were engaging and exaggerated that's just right for a theater audience. The music was beautiful, but at times, the elementary choir lacked the power to accompany the strong moments of the play, especially the ending. The choreography, as compared to the first one, gave a modern touch to the classic Bible story and was able to lift the mood of the audience. The performances were superb, but as I thought about it, it was still a shadow of last five year's show. The second show had a strong potential to be in league with its predecessor, but some of the same problems remained. The set. The lack of color. The big difference it had with the first offering is it showed ambition by giving the high school performers good roles and choreography. If they just put more effort in the production design, it really could have been a lot better.

After the show, as one by one the performers bowed, the audience erupted with thunderous claps and echoing whoo's. As the conductress, Ms. Lim went up the stage last, and the crowd released its most powerful applause. It was at this moment when I felt guilty. Instead of appreciating what they've done, I've been thinking about what they did not offer. Then, I felt a different feeling. I felt the passion the people behind and in the show offered the audience. I just kept on clapping and clapping because I knew that the performers and SOME of the production staff did their best to offer us the best that they could do. The hell with the others!!!

PS to the choreographer: Don't underestimate children. I hate the grade school choreo.

JUDGMENT # 1. (of 7)

My heart was pounding really fast when our Ma 18 teacher came in. With him were our checked long exams, and my mind was going ballistic. I couldn't stop thinking "Bagsak kaya ako... bagsak kaya ako..." The long wait was finally over. He was calling us one by one, and one by one I could see the faces of my blockmates, some contented and some sad and some indifferent, as they looked at their scores. Then, I heard my name called. I quickly stood and got the papers from him. I looked at it, and damn! Never had I been so happy with 72. I guess, college brings out the "survival mode" in me. bwahahaha

o0o

To my Atenean family T2,

The fight is not yet over. Our destinies still lie in our choices.